A few posts ago, I mentioned having an awful experience with my Midwives, but I wasn’t quite ready to write about it. Fast forward a few weeks and I found myself pregnant again, sitting in the office of the Maternal Fetal Medicine clinic, being asked who my OB is and completely conflicted about my decision to move forward with the Midwives. So, here I am, ready to write.

I have absolutely nothing against Midwives; in fact, it’s quite the opposite. If you’ve read my Birth Story then you know I delivered my daughter via Midwives, and truly had a wonderful experience. Thus, I want to caveat this story with this: my experience with a particular Midwife has no reflection on Midwives in general, or the practice of Midwifery as a whole.

I think it is important for me to tell this story for 2 reasons:

1. As women–and especially as mothers–we tend to be exceptionally awful at advocating for ourselves. I handled this situation in the manner that I did in order to not only advocate for myself, but to insure that no other woman would be treated the way I was.
2. Sometimes it’s difficult to step back from the situation you’re in and remember that medical professionals are also just people too. They can be biased, and they can be wrong. One person’s words are not law.

As much as I want to tell this story from scratch specifically for this medium, I am not sure how to navigate that. Thus, I am going to include the letter I wrote (retracting personal information) to the hospital where this happened, and simply provide commentary on that. Please note: Because of the nature of the letter, and how I am sharing it, some formatting may be a little inconsistent and funky, especially between page breaks.

While many of the issues presented are systematic, this next portion is that bit that truly hurt…

I am not sure I will ever get some of her statements out of my head. Even now, pregnant once again, I cannot help but hear “come back after you’ve had another miscarriage” and wonder…

Fast forward to today: We are a little over a month past this appointment, and are in the midst of an investigation with the hospital in question. While I don’t necessarily want disciplinary action taken against the Midwife who hurt us, I want her to understand the nature of her wrongs, and never treat another woman the way I was treated. Likewise, I want to help work with the hospital to bring about systematic change that helps prevent so many things from falling through the cracks as they have with me.