No Longer Just Surviving

I started an internship today. I haven’t the slightest clue where it’s going to take me, but I’m so ready for the ride.

People often tell me that I’m difficult to get to know. And it’s true. But if you ask the right questions, I’m not unwilling to share.

After a long day of piecing together little snippets of my life, a realization came to light. It wasn’t my realization, it was phrased partially as a question, more of a statement, really, you’ve mostly just been surviving. 

Yes.

There are so many stories that piece together my life, so many paths to follow and webs to weave.

Deception. Abuse. Growing up too fast. Divorce. Moving. Mistakes. Helping to raise my sister. Teen pregnancy. Bullying. Miscarriage. Accidents & nerve damage. Full time jobs. College. Distance. Another miscarriage. Silence. Fighting finances. Struggling with handicaps. Young marriage. Triumphs & failures, smiles & tears. I’ve got it all.

I have survived, yes. And I have grown. And I have made mistakes. But I have no regrets.

And through all of those stories, there’s been one constant: me.

So yes, I’ve been surviving. But I’m not anymore.

I don’t ever expect my life to be picture-perfect, but I’m damn well going to make the best of what I’ve got. And what I’ve got is pretty great. I work hard every day, and I haven’t the slightest clue what a vacation is, but I know everything is going to turn out okay.

Sometimes its impossible to fully understand a situation when you’re too close to it. I’d been just surviving for so long that I never took a moment to look around and realize that my circumstances had changed.

So I can take this internship in stride, whatever that means. And I can move on with my life, and find a passion and a career.

I’ve grown up. I’ve embraced my challenges. I’ve learned to love my family, my life, and myself, despite (and because of) the imperfections.

Thanks, Joel. I needed that reminder.

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