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a word on a whim

anything but predictable #momlife

Tag: divorce

June 14, 2018July 23, 2019

Divorced at 24

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June 19, 2015July 23, 2019

No Longer Just Surviving

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backyard babe 👶🏼 enjoying the sun while we watch dada mow the lawn 🏡 . . . . . #babygirl #babiesofinstagram #myformerbump #julybaby #1yearold #mommysgirl #momlife #motherhood #diariesofanewmom #awordonawhim #stayathomemom #workfromhomemom #pnwbaby #northwestbabe #browneyedbabe

2 babies in as many months. we have lost 2 babies in 2 months. 2 babies. if i say it enough times, will it go away? if i keep looking at my perfect daughter, will everything get better? i want to say something eloquent. i want to keep sharing our story to help someone. infertility comes in so many shapes and sizes. and i really want to talk more about it. but today, i’m in pain. i’m still bleeding. and evelyn is nursing a hardcore teething fever. so we’re going to snuggle, and i’m going to write later. thank you for your thoughts and prayers. love y’all. #pregnancyafterloss #ihadamiscarriage #1in4 #iam1in4

evelyn was my hospital buddy today. despite having to wait 2 hours in the waiting room of the lab, she did wonderful. she was sweet, playful, and exactly what mama needed. this little girl is my heart and soul. today’s number was supposed to tell us our baby is okay. today’s number was supposed to tell us that we’re on track. today’s number was supposed to be 1,600. today’s lowest possibility was supposed to be 800. but here we sit, at 300. i don’t know if our baby is okay. i honestly don’t know what to think of this number, and my midwife won’t call me until monday. so we wait. and we pray. right now, i am pregnant. today, i am pregnant. this baby is still holding on, and so am i. thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers. #pregnancyafterloss #ihadamiscarriage #hcgtesting

park strollin’, cheerio munchin’ babe 💁🏼‍♀️ . . . . . #babygirl #babiesofinstagram #myformerbump #julybaby #1yearold #mommysgirl #momlife #motherhood #diariesofanewmom #awordonawhim #toddlerlife

“right now, i am pregnant.” “today, i am pregnant.” “in this moment, my baby is okay.” “just keep breathing.” my midwife called today to give me the results of my hcg test and to put it simply, they’re inconclusive. my numbers rose, but didn’t double. so this baby might be okay, but it isn’t the definite good sign we were hoping for. i’m going back in for another blood draw this weekend, so until then, we wait. and we pray. and we hope beyond hope that this little baby hangs on. i’ve been feeling very pregnant. lots of nausea, exhaustion. that’s a good sign, maybe a hint from the little one that they’re going to be okay. for now, we’re just taking it one day at a time. one moment at a time. because right now, i’m still pregnant. #pregnancyafterloss #ihadamiscarriage #firsttrimester #hcgtesting

this. this has been our week. it’s not a pretty picture. it’s not instagram-worthy by any means. but it’s real. this is a botched blood draw from earlier this week. this is testing hcg levels because YES, i am pregnant again! 1 month post miscarriage and here we are. scared to DEATH waiting to see if my levels double to make sure this babe is holding on better than the last one did. i feel like i’m holding my breath, waiting to burst. but why? if i have another miscarriage, i’ll share that... so why not share this? because if you’re out there, and you’re reading this, PRAY PEOPLE. or wish, or hope, or whatever you do to whatever entity you do or do not speak to. just please send the happiest of thoughts to our littlest bebe. will get the results of my hcg tests on monday, and then maybe i’ll feel more celebratory. but for now, pray for this little one in my belly, because we need a miracle here, people. #pregnancyafterloss #pregnancyannouncement #ihadamiscarriage

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