For some people, pregnancy is beautiful. It’s a magical experience, full of sweet baby movements and a “glow.” For me, it wasn’t like that. And my birth? Absolutely not like that. So why would I expect motherhood to be any different?

Honestly, when I write, it’s mostly just for me. I want to remember this time. I want to cherish it, all of it. I want to revel in the moments I hate, and document the things I hope I laugh about in 10 years.

Having a baby is magical. But it’s a different kind of magic. It’s messy, exhausting, beautiful, rewarding, and harder than you’d ever imagine.

So please enjoy this cover photo of my daughter mid-scream after a bath, which I was told in the hospital would be a “magical experience.” Well, so far that’s some damn loud magic.

And Evi girl, if you’re reading this some day… I love you. I love you with all my heart. But it’s only been 73 days and you’ve already given me a run for my money more times than I can count. So thank you, beautiful baby, for being my inspiration.